“I don’t think anyone is born with a reason to live. It’s something you have to find for yourself.” -Honda Tohru

I ‘m so fucking unhappy all I want to do is sit down and cry.
it’s fairly new ( like just started this weekend ) but I’ve been saying no to a few invites with coworkers and some Facebook friends since I feel extremely overwhelmed from always having to spend money on people and anxious for no real reason.
this weekend after wasting my money on shit because I’m trash. I just stayed at home doing nothing. it felt wonderful and it made think about quitting my 2nd job but I don’t want to regret making such a move so soon.

Maybe I should next year?

Something to be happy about.

I often wonder try I feel the need to always make myself feel a certain way when I feel the opposite.

Mostly because people will never want anything to do with you when you always want to shut yourself out and it’s funny.. I want to be close to people but at the same time..Eww.. people…

I only way I can explain myself honestly is that I feel that I was born sad. I always felt lonely even though I had people around. Scared when my mother always made sure I was always in a safe situation. Annoyed even if someone is just there. Breathing. But I felt at the same time I was annoying them as well.

One emotion that has always stuck with me, that I could never explain or even realized what it really was until my adult years.

Sadness.

Why do I feel like this? Always. It never fails. Even if I’m having a good time for a few minutes, as soon as that moment ends it’s like a switch that has come back on.

“I’m back” it’s says. “You really think you can get rid of me that easily?” Stupid girl.”

Heh. Stupid.

How could I be so stupid?

To have a moment with the people I love. To think for a minute that everything will be okay. You’re doing great. This is what you’ve been wanting for so long.

This happy feeling to last more than a few seconds. A few minutes.

To have this feeling to last hours, days, weeks, months.

Years.

Wouldn’t that be just, wonderful?

“People aren’t born with kindness, it grows with them…” ― Natsuki Takaya

Where have I been?

What have I been doing?

Why do I fucking suck?

Hopefully I can at least answer 2 of the 3 questions in this post.

Lately I’ve been stressed at work with all the changes that has been happening. I pray that it will all be over soon.

Also I’ve been sick and I feel like it’s been getting worse so I pray that this too shall pass.

how I feel everyday..

Anyways.

I’m behind on anime. I’m behind on video games, reading and just life in general. But once I get over this flu I want to start rereading the Fruits Basket Manga since the new anime adaptation is coming out next season.

Look how crisp this shit is!! I can’t fucking wait for this to come out! Plus I hear that this anime adaptation will be following the manga more unlike the original anime that pretty much stopped at vol. 6 then made up it’s own ending????? but please don’t let that keep you from watching the original it’s still a wonderful series.

Wish me luck as I try to get over my sickness and try reading all 23 volumes of Fruits Baskets before it comes out in April. haha FAT CHANCE!!!

MOB PSYCHO 100 SEASON 2 EPISODE 1

Mob psycho 100 season 2 is finally out and after seeing the last season almost 2 years ago the first episode of the new season didn’t disappoint.

The ep. starts off with Mob and his “mentor” Reign taking on an new exorcism job after charging 30% of his harvest as payment from a farmer whose crops has been dying as soon as the they grow. One night the farmer hears something strange outside and sees a spirit of some sort in the fields and thought it was best to hire a spirit counsel. After Reign shady ass self takes the job Mob easily gets rid of the spirit and they’re paid with fertilizer, gardening tools and seeds as payment as he pays Mob with some broccoli seeds.. ( Bitch really??) then the S.O.B rejects the vegetables he had Mob grew with his psychic powers after tasting him and finding them disgusting.

(sORRY Reign just gets on my nerves sometimes)

After a sick opening to the show (seriously don’t skip the opening it’s pretty good) one of Mob’s school mates, Mezato Ichi. 

this hoe right there.

She feels as though Mob needs to be someone who takes the lead and takes a opportunity to tell him to do so when the student council president resigns from his post from framing his fellow students Mezato tells Mob that he should try out to be the new student council president. Mob of course isn’t as thrilled about it as she is and she convinces him to do it by telling him that he could get his childhood crush to like him.

There were four candidates, each have 5 minutes to give a speech and Mob is the last to go. At his turn he freezes up during the whole speech being too scared to say anything in front of the whole school. Of course he’s in last place and is ashamed about it. After school Mob goes to his locker and sees that there’s a love letter in this locker that said “I’ll be waiting for you behind the school”.

There he meets Emi.

( basic bitch.. oh! Um.. I mean this is Emi)

And she asks him out. Mob starts to walk Emi home every day after school. Emi asks him what he does and Mob lies telling her that she works a bookstore. Emi tells him that she loves books ( BITCH ME TOO) and is writing a novel. Mob states that he would like to read it.

Mob reads the novel and tells her that it’s really good. At this point Emi attitude changes. I’m guessing she doesn’t like how he answered and tells him that she’s been lying to him this whole time.

Emi is her “friends” had a dare and played rock , paper, scissors finding Mob hilarious after his “speech” Who ever loses would have to ask Mob out. Emi apologizes and leaves having Mob staying at the spot where she left him, he goes over the week he had with Emi really not having any emotions about that whole situation.

Mob later finds Emi and her friends who are making fun of her novel and Mob has her back standing up for her and then Emi’s bitch ass friends rips apart her novel. Mob goes to pick up the pieces and states that he will try harder to show more motion from now on. Emi goes to help pick up the pieces and tells her “friends” to go home and they do. Once Emi and Mob mostly have all the pieces of the novel in a pile, a gust of wind comes by and blows the pieces away. Emi is like “oh well” until Mob uses his Psychic powers to bring the pieces back and form the novel together like it was before it was ripped up. (like.. he could have done that in the first place but.. okay..)

(then when I think about it he doesn’t want people to know about his powers so I guess I understand)

Mob goes home and Dimple confronts Mob about him showing his powers in front of someone. Emi is also at home looking at her novel and has an new idea to write in her novel after seeing Mob display his ability.

Over all this was a heartwarming ep. I missed this series and can’t wait to watch the rest.

Until next time. ❤